Dancing in the Light

By: Li-Jin; Translated by T.Y. Lee

From Volume 80 of the BAUS Wisdom Journal, Published September, 2002

Should you ever feel life to be dim and hopeless, please consider Shih-Shien Yang of Wu-Ling High School in Tao-Yuan. As we are consumed in debate over the material desires and improper trends of today's youths, do you realize that in Taiwan, there is a child who is grateful that he is not poor because he still has enough money left to buy just one more meal?

While the streets are filled with young folks running free with the joys of adolescence, perhaps you would notice the simple and solitary serenity within a particular youth who has already experienced the melancholy of life and death and the muddled coldness lurking in humanity?

Shih-Shien Yang is a freshman at the Wu-Ling High School in Tao-Yuan. He has only one left arm, which has withered due to a neural disease. Both of his parents have passed on, and now he is struggling through life with his younger brother, who has dropped out of school to make a living for the two.

As recent as four months ago, his teachers and classmates only know of this much about him, because he never complained about his adversities and always involved himself with extracurricular and service activities. His behaviors were not much different from other students. There was even one time when the school offered to help him apply for a scholarship given to financially troubled students, and he graciously declined, saying: "I can still get by; there are probably others who need this help more."

In April, the school arranged for a disabled public figure to come and give a speech. During the event, several disabled students were invited on stage to offer personal words of inspiration. Shih-Shien Yang was one of them.

Guidance Counselor Hong-Ming Yen recalled the occasion: "he was chatting peacefully, without any change in his tone, but his account brought tears to the teachers and classmates listening."

The reality was this eighteen-year-old Shih-Shien Yang has a heartbreaking story beyond everyone's wildest imagination.

Yang lost his right arm in an accident when he was five. While playing around an automatic steel gate, he carelessly triggered the control, and his right arm got caught in the spinning mechanism and was crushed.

The subsequent hospital bill became an enormous burden for his family of meager means. More misfortunes befell a few years later when his Father collapsed at the hand of Parkinson's disease. Because income from Father's taxi job has dried up, the family now must rely upon Mother toiling long hours at an electronics factory to get by.

The summer before he graduated from grade school, his father passed away. Not long after, it was discovered that his Mother had developed intestinal cancer. A year later, she fell victim to the spreading tumor and passed on as well.

"Mother actually underwent surgery once to remove the cancer. The doctor instructed her that she needed long-term recuperation. However, three days after leaving the hospital, she rushed back to her factory job. She was afraid that if she took too much time off, she would get fired, and we would lose our only source of income." Shih-Shien was very hurt to see his Mother lose so much weight and becoming just skin-and-bone. He wanted to go take her place at the factory, but Mother did not want him to abandon his studies. Because he was handicapped, she felt that his only mean of survival is to "make a living with your head".

He recalled telling his mother to not worry and that he would do his best to score above 600 points in the high school qualification exam, to which Mrs. Yang encouraged him: "Just do your best and watch your health first. I only want you and your younger brother to live on well. Don't become sick like me."

These words from his Mother made Shih-Shien realize that his Mother was about to part from this world. Sure enough, when he arrived at the hospital after being pulled from class that fateful day, the staff was administering shock treatment on his unconscious Mother. The doctors told the brothers to call out to their Mother with all their might, hoping that hearing her children's voices would help to revive the poor woman. However, Shih-Shien did not call. He recalled, "I saw my Mother so relaxed. There was peacefulness on her face that I have never ever seen in my life. I thought to myself, 'Mother, please go. Please don't come back to suffer any more.'"

After she died, Shih-Shien thought frequently about "leaving to join Mother". However, he eventually changed his mind and decided to abide by her wish, to be strong and live on. "I decided that even though I am minute like a grain of sand, but as long as I'm alive, there is a chance for improvement. However, if I die, then there is nothing."

He goes on. The devastation from parting with his Mother was a wake up call for him. Due to lack of self-esteem, he had always been reclusive and was afraid to carry any hope towards anything. However, after the trauma, he began to take measures to improve his being. He began to excel in school and became more outgoing with friends.

"Ever since I was little, my classmates complained that I was untidy and odorous; they made fun of the way I ate my lunch, saying that I looked like a dog. I was so afraid of talking to people. Furthermore, because my family was so poor, the kind of things that classmates talked about were beyond my knowledge, so I was very lonely. Sometimes, when I didn't understand some course material, it would take tremendous courage for me to go ask someone. If that person should show me the slightest annoyance, I would immediately retreat. I would feel so sad and wonder why I was so inferior."

Looking back to his past, Shih-Shien feels that he really had been foolish, because now he realizes: "retreat is only a waste of time; to take solid measures in confronting problems is the only way of resolution." Furthermore, he also came to realize that the relationships he maintained with others are mutual. "It is vital that I take the initial step to open myself and to show care for others." He then reflected that on this life journey, he has too many people to thank, particularly his linguistic teacher Yun-Hui Chang and friend Zi-Jieh Hsieh. There was one time when the class was given a composition assignment to describe themselves, and he wrote: "I am like a grape, for I only have a thin, thin layer of skin as protection."

Ms. Chang praised him for his ability to eloquently express his inner feelings, and awarded him with a copy of "The Little Prince". It was the very first book that he owned, which was not a textbook, and it is still the book that he treasures most. This token of encouragement also gave him his very first taste of joys that flow from faith in one's self. "In the book, the Little Prince's friend Fox said that he likes to see the golden wheat, because every time he sees golden wheat, it reminds of him of his friend, the Little Prince, who has hair of the same golden color."

"I really understand the blessing and beauty in the feeling of friendship. Zi-Jieh's nickname is 'Monkey'. Because my life is now adorned with this friendship, now to me, banana is no longer simply banana. It will always bring me fond thoughts of my friend, and the great times we shared together."

There was one time during a basketball class, when Monkey told the teacher that he did not feel well enough to play and wanted to sit the game out, and he spent the class sitting with Shih-Shien outside the court. Although Monkey mentioned nothing of it, at that moment, Shih-Shien was very touched by the realization that he finally has a true friend.

Monkey is optimistic and motivated; he often encouraged Shih-Shien to be persistent and thoughtful, which was a major source of inspiration. Shih-Shien recalled, "Back in a social studies class during junior high, we were asked a true-or-false question: offering friendship towards classmates who are lonely is an act of compassion."

When the class discussed this question, one student raised his hand and asked the teacher why this is true. Shih-Shien felt that this classmate was simply too lucky that he could not comprehend why offering friendship to the lonely is a deed of kindness. Still, Shih-Shien confessed that he would prefer to be someone who does not understand.

In his demeanors, Shih-Shien exhibits an unusual and precocious calmness. He said that before he had hated his own life and those who hurt him. However, now he is grateful for the adversities in his life, for they have trained him to become better judge of human character and fortified him to be stronger. At the same time, he realizes that everyone is raised in different environment and carries varying aspirations, so to judge others based one's own bias is wrong.

Shih-Shien hopes for himself to be a mature and profound thinker, but one with an innocent mind. His ambition is to get accepted into the Teacher's University so that one day he will become a good teacher who motivates students.

As for the present challenges in his life, Shih-Shien feels that he has look past beyond them and now is used to them. The only matter that really bothers him is his younger brother, whom he feels to be stronger and smarter, had to drop out of school.

The teachers at Wu-Ling High School have set up a trust fund, which they donate into every month to help out the Yang brothers. After hearing his story, the entire student body became inspired and began organizing one charity event after another, to which a grateful Shih-Shien vowed that he would repay these generosities from Wu-Ling High by continuing to strive and achieve.

"When I go outside wearing the Wu-Ling High School shirt, I usually wish that my Mother will see me from heaven, because I know that she would be very happy and very proud."

Still, there would be times when his misses his Mother, and he would feel tremendous sorrow and longing. However, he tells himself that he cannot cry anymore, for crying does not help anything. As long as he remembers how his Mother used to love him and sacrificed everything for him, he could always find the courage to stand up straight and keep going.

Of course we all have our disappointments in life and periods of despair. However, the wise among us would always find joy and contentment despite being in deprived conditions. How we pass our time and whether we live with joy or not, it does depend on how we perceive our circumstances. It all comes down to our point of view, wouldn't you agree?